Monday, March 21, 2016

Killstring's Chipotle Chili

So, this is an attempt at adding the occasional recipe on here. Some language choices have been altered from the original text in order to make it relatively SFW. 


No, I'm not kidding. I get pretty worked up in the kitchen, yo.


For a while, I cooked one thing, and only one thing. Luckily for me, that thing was quite delicious (accident), relatively healthy (absolutely unintentional) and vegetarian (this one was on purpose). 

What follows is the recipe for said dish, which is a pretty robustly flavored chili, and some tips to alter the flavor profile to accommodate people who don't want to scorch the inside of their throat for funsies.

For the purposes of this recipe, we'll call them reasonable folk. 

So, first off, you're going to need some ingredients. Not just any ingredients - this is a recipe - so you're going to want some specifics. Luckily, I've found some that work pretty well.
  • 1/2 can chipotle chiles in adobo sauce
  • 2 cans of black beans
  • 2 cans of red beans in chili sauce
  • 1 can of fire-roasted tomatoes (or you could chop one and then burn it I guess, if that makes you feel tough)
  • 1 packet of fake meat crumbles (Morningstar Farms makes a good veat crumble, but there are a lot of options here. Go with your favorite, and if you don't have a favorite, use Morningstar)
  • Chili Powder and Cinnamon
  • Maybe some Sriracha because screw it let's just do this thing
  • Cinnamon Butter for sauteing
  • Bravery
  • A decent fortitude save
Get your fake meat. SAUTE THAT STUFF WITH CINNAMON BUTTER. Fantastic, right? Add some of the chipotles and adobo sauce, sprinkle in some chili powder and cinnamon, and SAUTE LIKE YOU MEAN IT. Maybe drizzle some black bean juice in there, because you were just gonna pour that crap down the drain anyway.

Get a pot; not a small one, you're not making breakfast cereal; it's chili time. Get those beans in there - they won't cook themselves! It doesn't matter if they don't wanna go, THIS IS EITHER YOUR KITCHEN OR IT IS NOT. Put that mix over some low-medium heat, and stir in some chili powder and cinnamon - but not too much, those chipotle peppers are not here to dick around.

They are here to be delicious.

Add in your tomatoes and the rest of your chipotle peppers to the pot, and now that you've sauteed that veat like a champ, add it in there too. Taste that; bangin', right? *

EAT DAT CHILI. Live strong and fierce. **

Conversely, if you're cooking for reasonable folk, or happen to be one yourself, no worries! Take out those chipotle chilies, and substitute crushed chipotle pepper. Shake it in to taste - but not too much, mate! We're being reasonable here. 

Anyway, when you're done, you've got something that's roughly 240 calories and and 16 grams of protien per serving, High in fiber, low in fat... wicked high in sodium, but nobody's perfect, all right?

Serves about 8, because I have no idea how to prepare a small quantity of food. I usually get me 2 servings, and that's good times. Refrigerate the rest, because it's crazy good leftovers, and the spice mellows overnight.

Tune in next time, when we see if Chef Killstring can describe how to make an awesome veggie burger without violating the terms of service.

* If insufficiently bangin', add chili powder and cinnamon to taste. Repeat until bangin'.
** Also, have gas. Not a small quantity. Everything has a price.